How Meditating Changed My Life
Before something great happens, everything falls apart.
The day I decided to do this I thought I would be overcome with excitement. Instead, I started experiencing the worst anxiety of my life. I’ve never really been an anxious person. I didn’t really understand the concept of anxiety to be honest. But boy, did it hit me, and it hit me hard. I wasn’t really sure what I was even experiencing. I was really emotional. I was really worried, about everything. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my appetite. I couldn’t focus at work. I didn’t recognize myself. I needed help.
So I started going to therapy. I never thought I would be someone that needed therapy. After all, therapy was for people with REAL problems. You know, divorce, fcked up childhoods, uncontrollable unhappy lives. Not for me, happy go-lucky everything is great in the world Janelle. I didn’t even know what I was going to talk about in my first session.
"Ummmm, hi, I’m Janelle. I’m 28, single, loving family, awesome friends, great job, I’m about to go travel the world, everything is all good".
But the second I sat on that couch it just all came pouring out. My anxieties, my worries, my extreme fear of failure. Letting go of this conventional life, this life that was drilled into my head since I was a child, the only life that I knew, was going to be a lot more difficult than I anticipated. The first thing my therapist said to do; “Go meditate. Go meditate right NOW!”
So I googled: Meditation Centers Miami. I discovered this Buddhist center by my job that I’ve driven past hundreds of times. I walked in feeling a bit delusional. Do I take my shoes off? Do I speak? Do I bow? Are we going to pray to Buddha? Is God going to be angry with me? Where am I? What am I doing? This is literally where my mind was pre-meditation.
There was about 5 people at this Tuesday evening meditation class. Yes, we had to take our shoes off. No, there was no bowing or praying to Buddha. Someone did guide us into a silent mediation. He told us how to breathe, what to do when our minds wandered. It was extremely difficult and my heart was pounding from the anxieties that were surfacing during this silence. I wanted to cry. I forgot how to breathe. I hated this feeling. I left shaking. But I came back the following week.
Within the next few weeks meditating became my religion. They say praying is when you talk to God. Meditating is when you listen to Him. And you know what God was telling me? Really, he was like yelling at me at this point. He was saying "Relax". That’s the one word that kept popping up when I was meditating. So that’s what I tried to do every single session, just relax.
During this time I discovered Deepak Chopra, my new spiritual bestie and meditation teacher. I found other meditation centers in Miami, all of them so different with their own unique spiritual flares. Eventually I started meditating by myself at home. Eventually I started meditating every day. And eventually I couldn’t wait to close my eyes and mediate. It changed my life.
To be honest it’s hard to put into words how meditating makes one feel. The mind is so powerful and our thoughts at times (ok, let’s be real, most times) can be so negative. While you’re meditating you don’t ignore these negative thoughts that I guarantee will surface when you’re trying to relax. Instead, when that thought pops up, you simply say: "Hey there thought. I know you’re there. I acknowledge your presence, but I’m not interested. Have a lovely day."
You learn to not play into those negative thoughts and to accept them for what they are, just thoughts. Eventually those thoughts won’t have any power over you anymore. I’m not saying they will disappear, at least they haven’t for me, but when they do arise you will know exactly what to do, and you’ll do so with such a calm demeanor. Simply put, you will have more control of your thoughts and more control of your reactions to them.
There is no way I could’ve prepared for this life-changing experience without my meditation practice. I am now equipped with some great tools that I know I will need when I’m out there alone experiencing a whole new set of hardships. I feel much calmer, at ease, positive and overall just more confident in knowing everything is going to be ok.
I am more than ready to embark on this new chapter in my life!
