You're not crazy. You're an empath.
“If you feel as if you don’t fit into this world, it’s because you’re here to create a better one.” - Author Unknown
Dear reader,
You’re not crazy. You’re just an empath.
This is my story of how I came to realize that I’m not crazy, I’m just an empath.
I share my story with you because if you’re reading this, you’re probably an empath too. And if you’re anything like me, you have yet to realize how lucky you are.
But I didn’t always feel so lucky.
Allow me to explain.
A couple of months ago I was in my feels. Like, IN IT you guys. On the phone with a friend, I shared with her this:
“I think there’s something wrong with me because the depth of my sadness is not representative of the situation. Like, I’m WAYYY too sad for what’s going on.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you Janelle. Research empath and tell me what you find out,” she lovingly replied.
So, you know my curious self went way down the rabbit hole of empath research and within a day I read a whole book on the subject and pretty much every article on the first two pages of the google search result, “What’s an empath?”
And for the first time in my life, I understood myself in way I had never before. Wow.
I’m not crazy! I‘m an empath!
It’s taken me 32 years of existing to finally have a grasp of why I am the way I am. I’ve been living my entire adult life thinking there was something wrong with me. I was TOO emotional, TOO sensitive, TOO much of an overthinking mess. Or so I used to think.
I’ve spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours seeking “help”, meditating my life away, trying to “balance” my emotions, trying to control myself.
That is until God brought this newfound information, and specifically this book into my life.
The rest of this post will be a quick yet thorough breakdown of the book I found in that rabbit hole. The very book that helped me to realize I'm not crazy, I’m just an empath.
I recently read “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People” by Judith Orloff. And then read it again. It was that profound.
Ok Janelle, but what’s an empath?
It’s so much more than someone who is empathic. I love the way Judith describes us empaths in chapter one of her book:
“Empaths have an extremely reactive neurological system. We don’t have the same filters that other people do to block out stimulation. As a consequence, we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and stressful energies around us. We are truly ‘super responders.’ As children and adults, we are shamed for our sensitivities rather than supported. We may experience chronic exhaustion and want to retreat from the world because it often feels so overwhelming.”
That opening paragraph was the slingshot that catapulted me on an even deeper path of self-understanding and self-love. They felt like words straight from my soul.
We, empaths, are basically highly sensitive, intensely intuitive energy sponges walking around this energetic AF world taking in everything around us. We absorb the subtle energetic bodies of others, internalizing their feelings as our own, experiencing the world around us in extremely deep ways.
I used to think this was a bad thing because I had no awareness of why I felt the way I felt. I had no understanding of why my feelings were so strong compared to others. I believed every guy who told me I was “too emotional”, closeting my own feelings to make them feel more comfortable. I soaked in everyone’s emotions as if they were my own, constantly feeling exhausted and drained. I had no boundaries, no self-awareness, no control of my empathic abilities.
I basically wasn’t being myself.
But this book singlehandedly provided me with such clarity, I now know that what I once thought was a disadvantage is actually a gift.
A gift that allows us empaths to live enriching lives full of depth, compassion and empathy. We are here to let everyone we encounter know they are seen, they are heard, what they say matters. We are the shoulders the world cries on. We are the ones that understand their pain, their joy, their every feeling. We are God’s walking billboards, with an invisible sign on our forehead that reads “I can help you. Because I genuinely understand what you’re feeling.” We can connect with people in ways most can’t, on such a deep, soul level. But we can only do this if we:
A) Understand our empathic gifts
B) Set boundaries
C) Learn how to communicate our needs
D) Honor who we are (no more hiding our true feelings)
The key to turning our perceived disadvantage to a gift is to learn how to honor our empathic abilities, manage them and hone in on our strong intuition.
But Janelle, how do you know if you’re an empath or just empathetic?
“Ordinary empathy means our heart goes out to another person when they are going through a difficult period. It also means we can be happy for others during their times of joy. As an empath, however, we actually sense other people’s emotions, energy and physical symptoms in our bodies, without the usual filters that most people have. We can experience other people’s sorrow and their joy. We are supersensitive to their tone and body movements. We can hear what they don’t say in words but communicate nonverbally and through silence. Empaths feel things first, THEN think, which is the opposite of how most people function in our over-intellectualized society. There is no membrane that separates us from the world. This makes us very different from other people who had had their defense up almost from the time they were born.” - an excerpt from the book
You might be an empath if:
As a child, you never felt like you fit in. Perhaps you were attached to a stuffed animal, didn’t have a lot of friends, spent a lot of time alone, said things to your mom like “I don’t like people” (it me).
You are super sensitive to light, smell, sound and even touch
You have an aversion to large groups
The NEED for a lot of alone time
The NEED for time in nature
You tend to avoid freeways
You have incredibly strong intuition
Small talk exhausts you
You get the jist
Here is a sneak-peek into the self-assessment Judith provides in her book. I won’t share all of it, because it’s quite lengthy and I really want you to buy the book ; ):
Have I ever been labeled overly sensitive?
Do I frequently get overwhelmed or anxious?
Do arguments and yelling make me ill?
Do I often feel like I don’t fit in?
Do crowds drain me, and do I need alone time to revive myself?
Do noise, odors, or nonstop talkers overwhelm me?
Do I have chemical sensitivities?
Am I afraid of being suffocated by intimate relationships?
Do I startle easily?
Do I react strongly to caffeine or medication?
Do I tend to socially isolate?
Do I absorb other people’s stress, emotions and symptoms?
Do I need a long time to recuperate after being with difficult people or energy vampires?
She continues with describing the different types and levels of empaths, from physical empaths, emotional empaths, intuitive empaths and even food and animal empaths! She discusses the science behind it, which I won’t get into here, but helps to further understand what it means to be an empath.
Why am I sharing all of this?
Because, I want you to recognize your empathic abilities and realize how lucky you are. Yes, we empaths are highly sensitive, emotional and intuitive in a masculine world that often shames these qualities, which can be challenging. But turning our challenges into advantages starts with understanding ourselves. It starts with self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the first step towards self-love. Once we understand what it means to be an empath, what kind of empath we are, and the level of our abilities, we can make lasting and loving impacts with every single person we encounter. Talk about connection.
Judith spends the remainder of the book basically convincing us that our abilities are the greatest gift we can offer the world. She teaches the reader how to manage this gift, how to take care of our energy in this insensitive energetic world, and most importantly, how to celebrate who we are. She urges all empaths to stop denying their true feelings just to make others comfortable. In denying our true feelings, we are denying the world our gift.
Empath Affirmation from the book:
“I will treasure myself and vow to have people in my life who treasure me as well. I will use my sensitivities to better my own life and the world. I will celebrate the adventure of being an empath.'“
So, my beautiful fellow empath, NO MORE trying to subdue your incredible abilities to feel, sense, and connect. NO MORE hiding your true feelings. NO MORE denying the world your gift.
Now, the next time someone tells you you’re too emotional, respond with a thank you. The next time someone tells you you’re “crazy” (my favorite), respond with a thank you. The next time someone tells you you’re too sensitive, give them a big hug and tell them “I understand your misunderstandings. Thank you.”
